we had a good run, came up with incandescent bulbs and internal combustion engines and vibrating condoms, but it's time. yes, michael caine, some people just wanna light a match and watch the world burn...and some people wanna mouth moral platitudes while we continue stacking up humanity on top of itself like the porn pyramid at abu ghraib.
that's just not gonna cut it. and it's no use trying to simply reduce our numbers, since any selective culling amounts to genocide, and that's a hate crime. well, i'm no bigot; i brought enough for everyone.
in the interest of full disclosure: yes, i do believe i will be able to survive on the fragmented chunk of our demolished earth as it spins away from the orbital ecliptic into space...with a little help from my friends. my meaty, nutritious friends. but even if i don't, the thing still needs doin'.
it's a bypass. gotta build bypasses. anyway, through the use of a quantum tunneling field-directed magic 8 ball, i know who's going to be replacing us.
and trust me, hyperintelligent badgers don't share.
While I certainly endorse Mufti Dor's opinion humanity--we are certainly little better than machines for the manufacture of feces--I do take issue with his opinion of the hyperintelligent badgers who will take over the planet after us. I hold out hope that they will be enlightened and will follow a righteous path in a way that humans haven't been willing to.
ReplyDeletedidn't say they wouldn't be enlightened...just said they don't share. not with water rats, not with talking toads or moles, and certainly not with naked apes.
ReplyDeletedoesn't mean they're bad people, though...just look at those vests! a society with vests and pocket watches is on the right track, i don't care what anybody says.
I don't know. If Badger is our model, then the concern he shows for Toad and Mole makes me think he'd be a better steward than humans. Though, if actual badgers are the model, then certainly, they wouldn't be the best at sharing with other species. But maybe they'd keep some of the more cuddly (and furry) humans as pets, in which case I'm golden as long as I never shave.
ReplyDeletewell, i don't know what their preferences will be, but this streamlines nicely with my standing fatwa on manscaping.
ReplyDeletefor more on this topic, check out my memoir "We the Bearded: Why Facial Hair is Objectively Awesome."