This fatwa is specifically addressed to anyone who is thinking of seeing the upcoming Transformers "movie." Don't. If you want to see blurry mechanical things just wave a clock in front of your face for a while.
The other reason to avoid this "film" is because of the singular smear campaign mounted by the producers of this piece of garbage against Megan Fox simply because she compared Michael Bay to Napoleon...and also to Hitler, but I suspect you could have also compared him to any of a number of other controlling personalities in charge of large projects but with juvenile sensibilities. You know, someone like Michael Bay. The point is he and his minions have decided to use their promotional time to pile on and insult someone who wasn't entirely happy with her experience as a pointless meat prop for a piece of crap film. This would not normally require any sort of ruling of this sort, but the ultimate line was from the "star" of these "films" Shia LaBeouf who has said that Megan Fox was "sh-t talking our captain." See, you had me until you called him your CAPTAIN. If Michael Bay is your captain, then you are on the wrong ship to begin with. You're on a U-Boat from hell. U-SUCK. Mr. LaBeouf, not content with stinking up the screen as Mutt Williams in that horrid piece of mentally challenged filth Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, is now following marching orders from his "captain" to pour on the insults in the direction of Megan Fox. If all you're going to do is pledge blind obedience to the master of your paycheck, then do us all the favor of changing your name to Sunni LaBeouf you mindless yes-man robot. From now on I'm telling people that it was Ben Savage in Constantine and not you.
Ms. Fox can no doubt handle herself with some degree of dignity, while her whiny ex-boss claims that the great Spielberg himself ordered/suggested that he fire her. Is it bad for business if your employees go public with what a jerk you are? Sure. But it should be worse for business if you don't have the dignity to let it go once it's done and you've moved on instead of choosing to promote your new turd with a barrage of character assasination that seems so suspiciously orchestrated that it is...well, like some sort of fascist/communist coup attempt.
Yeah. Go back to your captain and tell him I said that.
And for the rest of you. If you find yourself for whatever point of curiosity wanting to go see Transformers please do so only after buying a ticket for another film. Any other film. Even if it has Jennifer Aniston in it.
Mufti WMR's fatwa is heartily seconded. many people will see the headline and roll their eyes, and Mufti WMR must have known this. we thank him for writing it anyway; Ms. Fox should be lauded for speaking up.
ReplyDeletei was once bored, clinically dehydrated, and sick, and found myself in a convenience store browsing the used dvd rack next to the motor oil. why i did it i will never know, but i purchased the first transformers movie.
jeebus, what an unbelievable mound of shite. i remember being personally offended, like i should sue michael bay - who is so very proud of his work personally for my $9.99. why Mufti WMR paid theatre retail i can't guess, but he has a right to his ire anyway:
bay's movies are, at essence, bait-and-switch scams. he is one of a handful of directors who have deeply internalized the awareness that it doesn't matter if your movie sucks, as long as it contains enough footage to make an appealing preview.
i kinda think that's what's up with the pointless, nonsensical use of the military in the plot: it provides a thin cover for using those shots of aircraft carriers in the preview.
Mufti WMR's recommendation also deserves mention for its' ingenuity: in cases like these, just buy a ticket for another movie, if you just HAVE to see them. that way, giant quivering dildos like michael bay will not be rewarded for urinating into your brain.
CORRECTION: what i purchased was obviously the second, and not first, transformers movie.
ReplyDeletesee, they're called "transformers" because they can transform effortlessly from a bipedal robot into a case of hemorrhoids.
remember the Go-Bots? they were better toys, and i dream of them killing all of these people.
As one of the assholes who saw both transformers movies in the theatre I will speak from a hard-won and scarring experience neither Mufti has: Megan Fox is not the problem. She did her job. It's the rest of you who fucked it all up.
ReplyDeleteindeed. thus the pro-megan fox fatwa. i think it may be time for Mufti WMR to supply a definition of fatwa that makes it clear that a fatwa need not be anti-anything.
ReplyDeletehopefully at some point she will no longer feel the need to be scene drapery for crap movies. i will say this: "jennifer's body" was way funnier than it had any right to be, and that's almost entirely down to her.
well, it's a pro-fox fatwa, so presumably that'd be one way to show your support.
ReplyDeletei'd let her know first, though. don't just go running up with a brush.